You can have him, Laur...but you can't hold onto him.
The words echoed in her head even as she followed him back inside. She didn't even argue that the people they were honoring were soulless so there was nothing to send off. She just kept her mouth shut and mulled over those words. She'd spent so much time and energy trying to figure out what he wanted from all this that she'd completely neglected what she wanted. It was his show. His rules. She gave him all the power and not only was that probably adding to her distress over everything, it was kind of unfair to him as well.
She didn't know what sort of relationship she wanted from him. Whatever it was, she just wanted him to be honest. Now he was. He couldn't promise her tomorrow. His mission had to come first. And no, there was nothing she would be able to do about it.
That last part still weighed heavy on her. Every instinct her wanted to be able to protect him if the time came that he needed it. So knowing that she probably couldn't, not that he would let her try anyway, was a tough pill to swallow.
Silently, she slipped back to her seat beside him. No conclusions were made but she wasn't leaving either. Her hand found his and interlocked their fingers. Blue-green eyes found amber ones and though no words were spoken, she apologized. She apologized for freaking out, for making that day about her when he'd lost a friend, for not having an answer for him. For all of it.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-08-30 06:58 pm (UTC)The words echoed in her head even as she followed him back inside. She didn't even argue that the people they were honoring were soulless so there was nothing to send off. She just kept her mouth shut and mulled over those words. She'd spent so much time and energy trying to figure out what he wanted from all this that she'd completely neglected what she wanted. It was his show. His rules. She gave him all the power and not only was that probably adding to her distress over everything, it was kind of unfair to him as well.
She didn't know what sort of relationship she wanted from him. Whatever it was, she just wanted him to be honest. Now he was. He couldn't promise her tomorrow. His mission had to come first. And no, there was nothing she would be able to do about it.
That last part still weighed heavy on her. Every instinct her wanted to be able to protect him if the time came that he needed it. So knowing that she probably couldn't, not that he would let her try anyway, was a tough pill to swallow.
Silently, she slipped back to her seat beside him. No conclusions were made but she wasn't leaving either. Her hand found his and interlocked their fingers. Blue-green eyes found amber ones and though no words were spoken, she apologized. She apologized for freaking out, for making that day about her when he'd lost a friend, for not having an answer for him. For all of it.