[jp] what are you afraid of?

[magic_fratboy]

[locked from Zee]

If you wanna know the truth? I’m a little afraid of fatherhood.

I love Zee more than words can ever say, and there’s not an ounce of doubt in me that this kid we’re having is the best thing that will ever, ever happen to me. I’m not questioning the potential that we can make it as a family or the rights and wrongs of dealing with an unplanned pregnancy.

I’m not scared to have this kid…I’m scared of having this kid.

There are things in this world that come so rarely, so infrequently that some folks never see ‘em. There’s moments you live through that you never forget, life changing moments that destroy everything you know and rebuild the world around you in the space of a heartbeat.

There was a time I thought that moment, for me, was remembering who I was…until the first time I looked at Ziyah and realized that my life changed the second I looked into her eyes for the first time.

This child we’re having, it’s everything we are to each other. Every time I touch her, every time she touches me…that’s got a form now, and soon it’ll have a face, a name. It’s gonna grow up and walk the streets and leave some mark on the world. It’s love made manifest, and I can’t think of any more precious gift than that. Thing is, though…this kid is love made manifest. Our love.

What if I screw it up? This kid, I mean. What if I’m a sucky dad?

Nothing scares me worse than that…nothing on the planet scares me worse than the idea that I’m gonna be blessed with this miracle of human life, the both of us together in a single living person, and that I might end up failing her…or him.

So even though I ain’t real religious? Every day since she told me she was knocked up, I pray the same damn prayer: “Please, God, don’t let me fuck this shit up.”

[/locked]

Muse: Tommy Karras
Fandom: Original Character
Words: 338

Comments

[possessingbadge.livejournal.com]

I don't want to belittle the fear you are having because I'd be fucking terrified but Tommy? If I had to make a list of the best possible candidates to be a father, you would be right there at the top. If I were you, I would focus on yourself because the worst thing you could ever do to that child is to die. So you stay safe and the kid will be golden.

[magic-fratboy.livejournal.com]

Translation: Insert thinly veiled demand that I stop doing stupid shit here. *grin* S'ok, babe, I deserve that.

I'm gonna minimize the stupid shit I do until after the baby's born. Well...the stupid shit I do willingly. The wine barrel stunt went off without a hitch, but I got a couple other things in mind that ain't so hardcore. Local media's giving me some good press, so I wanna keep it going. I'm thinking about something exciting, but relatively mundane. Like an upside down straightjacket escape or something.

[possessingbadge.livejournal.com]

I'm not saying quit, just cut back like a half a pack a day. *chuckles* I've been keeping track. I had to laugh a little when a coworker of mine kept going on and on about you. Apparently, you did some sort of card trick where you made it go inside a glass door and really blew her mind. Though not as much as finding out that I not only knew you but dated you for a minute. I think I scored some points.

In all seriousness though, you don't have anything to worry about. There's a reason everybody loves you, babe.

[deep-red-bells.livejournal.com]

Are you kidding? You're gonna be like, the best dad ever.

But I get being scared shitless. I would be too.

[magic-fratboy.livejournal.com]

It just overwhelms me sometimes...this kid, our kid. It's gonna be the greatest thing ever, and what if I'm not good enough to handle it?

I know I'm full of shit and bein' insecure, but I'm...well, insecure. It ain't bad scared, it's good. Kind of comforting, ya know? I'm terrified, but I ain't going anywhere. It's not 'oh shit, what did I do?' It's more 'shit, I've never wanted anything so bad in my life, please let me be ready for it.'

[deep-red-bells.livejournal.com]

Then let me do my best to give you the boost confidence and assurance, because I know you're gonna do just fine.

[magic-fratboy.livejournal.com]

From my girl's lips to God's ears.

Thanks, Bee. You're an angel if ever there was one.

[deep-red-bells.livejournal.com]

I so am not, trust me, but thanks anyway.

[magic-fratboy.livejournal.com]

Bee? Shut up and take a compliment, babe. ;)

[deep-red-bells.livejournal.com]

Right.

Sorry.