magic_fratboy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
magic_fratboy) wrote2009-01-07 08:53 pm
magic_fratboy) wrote2009-01-07 08:53 pm
Entry tags:
where do we go when we just don't know...how do we relight the flame when it's cold...
I quit my job today.
Took that lyric from a demo Toca and his crew let me listen to...thanks, brother. It's killing me, but it's also helping. Gift of music, I guess.
So I been listening to this song...and I quit my job today.
To those of you I'm leavin' behind in LA, I'm sorry. I can't go back there, though. I can't live in that history, I can't keep those memories so close. Zee's life has ended, and I can't find that part of the thread that's us. I have to get to the end...so I can't live in the beginning.
Anyway, I called Sassy and Jelly and the rest of the Fraternity to help me get shit together. Sassy's gonna ask her dad for help with a real estate agent and pack up the loft, Jelly's taking my client load and dividing it up at the office except for a few that I'm keeping privately. My boss was cool about it...even offered to take me back later if I change my mind. I'm heading to Florence for the funeral, then to New York for a couple weeks. See my aunt and my cuz, decompress a little...figure some stuff out.
To those of you in Vegas, you'll be pleased to know I'm coming back to stay. Gonna find a place for me and May, get a new job...Mom always wanted me to come home again, now she'll get her wish. I have stuff to do here, people who need me...people who needed Zee. I'm gonna be there where she can't be.
She's haunting me...I can't sleep. I can't think...I can't stop waiting for her to walk right into me. I don't know why I can't cope with this, but it's makin' me insane and I gotta get my shit together for May. The last thing I wanna do is fail my daughter...
Sorry, I'm just tired and...you know. So I'm cleaning out my work email before I lose access at the end of the week? I tend to send myself shit to back it up...so I found some old pics I never shared, and later I scanned something nobody ever got to see.
Check it out, but if the subject of Zee's still too touchy, you might not wanna click the cut...
Taken shortly before we had to bolt to Boulder City before May was born...she was napping and I snapped a pic. Nearly got my ass kicked for it, but even sleepy, beach-ball pregnant, and hormonal...she's gorgeous.
Think this was taken at PURE? Some night we were chillin' with Sal and Chan early on. Zee was feeling camera shy...no idea why. She was better than hot, she was glowing that night.
This is actually our first press clipping together. Came off some local mag at a party celebrating Control Freak's first deal. Sal Vieri had also just hired me on as art coordinator for his memoirs, so we were all living it up. Baby belly's below the camera line...sorry, May.
This is probably one of the last shots of Zee ever taken. Me and Zee went to see Channing's show, and I guess SpyOnVegas.com nailed us. We'd been conned by my parents to leave May with 'em for a couple of hours and have some fun, and I'd just convinced Zee she had no baby weight to lose. We had a blast...and I barely remember the show, I wanted to get back to May so bad. Zee was just as big a mess, but you wouldn't know it to look at her. She was gone just a couple days later.
Best for last, least I hope so. Back just after we found out Zee was pregnant, she was mugging around the house and I got some pics of her. I took the photos and did a sketch, but I swapped out the smile for this expression she gets sometimes. She looks...looked at you with this wary sort of suspicion that turned her into this fucking sex siren. She was so hot when you thought she was up to no good, and together with the playfulness of the pose...it's everything I love about her.
Zee, if you're out there somewhere, I miss you, I love you...and I'm beggin' you to let me go. Before losing you really does kill me.
Took that lyric from a demo Toca and his crew let me listen to...thanks, brother. It's killing me, but it's also helping. Gift of music, I guess.
So I been listening to this song...and I quit my job today.
To those of you I'm leavin' behind in LA, I'm sorry. I can't go back there, though. I can't live in that history, I can't keep those memories so close. Zee's life has ended, and I can't find that part of the thread that's us. I have to get to the end...so I can't live in the beginning.
Anyway, I called Sassy and Jelly and the rest of the Fraternity to help me get shit together. Sassy's gonna ask her dad for help with a real estate agent and pack up the loft, Jelly's taking my client load and dividing it up at the office except for a few that I'm keeping privately. My boss was cool about it...even offered to take me back later if I change my mind. I'm heading to Florence for the funeral, then to New York for a couple weeks. See my aunt and my cuz, decompress a little...figure some stuff out.
To those of you in Vegas, you'll be pleased to know I'm coming back to stay. Gonna find a place for me and May, get a new job...Mom always wanted me to come home again, now she'll get her wish. I have stuff to do here, people who need me...people who needed Zee. I'm gonna be there where she can't be.
She's haunting me...I can't sleep. I can't think...I can't stop waiting for her to walk right into me. I don't know why I can't cope with this, but it's makin' me insane and I gotta get my shit together for May. The last thing I wanna do is fail my daughter...
Sorry, I'm just tired and...you know. So I'm cleaning out my work email before I lose access at the end of the week? I tend to send myself shit to back it up...so I found some old pics I never shared, and later I scanned something nobody ever got to see.
Check it out, but if the subject of Zee's still too touchy, you might not wanna click the cut...
Taken shortly before we had to bolt to Boulder City before May was born...she was napping and I snapped a pic. Nearly got my ass kicked for it, but even sleepy, beach-ball pregnant, and hormonal...she's gorgeous.
Think this was taken at PURE? Some night we were chillin' with Sal and Chan early on. Zee was feeling camera shy...no idea why. She was better than hot, she was glowing that night.
This is actually our first press clipping together. Came off some local mag at a party celebrating Control Freak's first deal. Sal Vieri had also just hired me on as art coordinator for his memoirs, so we were all living it up. Baby belly's below the camera line...sorry, May.
This is probably one of the last shots of Zee ever taken. Me and Zee went to see Channing's show, and I guess SpyOnVegas.com nailed us. We'd been conned by my parents to leave May with 'em for a couple of hours and have some fun, and I'd just convinced Zee she had no baby weight to lose. We had a blast...and I barely remember the show, I wanted to get back to May so bad. Zee was just as big a mess, but you wouldn't know it to look at her. She was gone just a couple days later.
Best for last, least I hope so. Back just after we found out Zee was pregnant, she was mugging around the house and I got some pics of her. I took the photos and did a sketch, but I swapped out the smile for this expression she gets sometimes. She looks...looked at you with this wary sort of suspicion that turned her into this fucking sex siren. She was so hot when you thought she was up to no good, and together with the playfulness of the pose...it's everything I love about her.
Zee, if you're out there somewhere, I miss you, I love you...and I'm beggin' you to let me go. Before losing you really does kill me.