I quit my job today.
Took that lyric from a demo Toca and his crew let me listen to...thanks, brother. It's killing me, but it's also helping. Gift of music, I guess.
So I been listening to this song...and I quit my job today.
To those of you I'm leavin' behind in LA, I'm sorry. I can't go back there, though. I can't live in that history, I can't keep those memories so close. Zee's life has ended, and I can't find that part of the thread that's us. I have to get to the end...so I can't live in the beginning.
Anyway, I called Sassy and Jelly and the rest of the Fraternity to help me get shit together. Sassy's gonna ask her dad for help with a real estate agent and pack up the loft, Jelly's taking my client load and dividing it up at the office except for a few that I'm keeping privately. My boss was cool about it...even offered to take me back later if I change my mind. I'm heading to Florence for the funeral, then to New York for a couple weeks. See my aunt and my cuz, decompress a little...figure some stuff out.
To those of you in Vegas, you'll be pleased to know I'm coming back to stay. Gonna find a place for me and May, get a new job...Mom always wanted me to come home again, now she'll get her wish. I have stuff to do here, people who need me...people who needed Zee. I'm gonna be there where she can't be.
She's haunting me...I can't sleep. I can't think...I can't stop waiting for her to walk right into me. I don't know why I can't cope with this, but it's makin' me insane and I gotta get my shit together for May. The last thing I wanna do is fail my daughter...
Sorry, I'm just tired and...you know. So I'm cleaning out my work email before I lose access at the end of the week? I tend to send myself shit to back it up...so I found some old pics I never shared, and later I scanned something nobody ever got to see.
Check it out, but if the subject of Zee's still too touchy, you might not wanna click the cut...( Some pics of Zee... )
Zee, if you're out there somewhere, I miss you, I love you...and I'm beggin' you to let me go. Before losing you really does kill me.